The Delayed Effect (aka Masking)
For the next few weeks, I’m going to take a look at how our children’s behaviour can give us clues as to what is going on for them, and what that behaviour may mean for us as parents.
If we look at our children in two different environments, school and home, or perhaps home and an out of school activity or school and an out of school activity. In each environment, their behaviour maybe somewhere along a continuum from compliant to challenging.
This week we’re looking at Masking – complaint behaviour in school, and challenging behaviour at home. There is a superb video that sums this up in the form of a bottle of coke. It gets jostled around all day and when it gets home and the bottle is opened it simply erupts like a volcano. Sound familiar? Check out the video.
Tony Attwood, an eminent specialist, particularly with regards to Autistic Spectrum Conditions, talks about children that are Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
The signs include the child who is described as a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in that the indicators of stress are not conspicuous at school but the child is a very different character at home.[i]
In this situation, parents often bear the brunt of challenging behaviour. Quickly reaching the end of their tether. Requests for help at school are met with referral to parenting classes. The mistaken belief being, that the structure of the school is what prevents the behaviour from being challenging in that environment, and if only the parents were to put in place a better structure at home, the child would become compliant.
I have met several experienced educators who have struggled to get their heads around the fact that a primary aged child can ‘keep it in’ all day when many adults with a similar set of pressures would find it difficult to do so.
This profile of the child is isolating for parents. Nobody else sees their child the way they do, most see a compliant child with minimal difficulties, and yet the story at home is very different. Securing support can be extremely difficult for such parents, they have to work hard, often without the support of professionals, as there is no perceived problem to fix outside of the home. Little will change unless the child’s parents push for it, and progress will be as fast as parents push for it.
So what can we read into this behaviour? This behaviour is usually an indication that there is an extreme form of stress in the school environment. The fact that they can let it out at home, is usually a sign they feel completely comfortable in this environment. That they don’t demonstrate challenging behaviour at school is usually a sign that they don’t feel the same levels of comfort.
If this is your child;
research as much as you can to demonstrate the evidence that this phenomenon exists.
if you have a sympathetic health professional who will back up your thinking, engage them with the school.
try to establish what it is about that environment that is causing your child such stress, and seek to put in provisions to reduce the stress.
As the behaviour at home reduces, you’ll know the provision is correct.
