I can't...

As parents, we’ve all had those moments, when our child has used those dreaded words, “I can’t.” Depending on your own upbringing, philosophy and perspective your reaction to those words, may range from "OK," through, "you can’t yet," to "of course you can!"

For some children, particularly those with a black and white perspective on life, "I can’t" may be a frequent occurrence, and once they think they can’t they won’t.

There has been so much written about the idea of a Growth Mindset (check out Carol Dweck’s work on this) and many schools are now incorporating this into their curricula. I'm definitely someone in the ‘you can’t yet!’ camp, and I have to remember to use it on myself as well.

Nevertheless, helping a child who can’t, get on the road to even thinking it is possible can be a challenge.

One of the tools that we have found really helpful, is this image below – captioned ‘Which step have you reached today?’

Interestingly, there is a step lower than ‘I can’t’ which is ‘I won’t do it’ and I believe that is often what we parents hear when our child says ‘I can’t do it.’

This image is really helpful as a way to approach the conversation with children.  It recognizes there are many steps between I can’t do it and I did it.  And for us, as parents to recognize that we might only need them to take one step up the staircase at any given time.  Helping your child move from I can’t do it to I want to do it, can be just the shift they need to realise they need help and are prepared to give it a try.