Fit your own oxygen mask first

Living with a child that is struggling with life or at school takes its toll on the whole family.  Over 3 days this last weekend I met several parents for the first time.  All were struggling with their own health concerns, a direct result of trying to support their child.  Lack of sleep, anti-depressants, marital problems.  The impact of a child that is struggling in life, goes way beyond the child.

The range of emotions a parent feels when dealing with a child that struggles varies from despondent to empowered.  I have previously written about feeling despondent.

What I didn’t mention in that piece, was the price of staying at despondent for too long.  Despondent is where your own health suffers.  It is where I see parents on anti-depressants, siblings requiring their own support, and partnerships in crisis.

I’ve experienced this myself.  When we were at our lowest, and it went on for a long time – probably over a year, both of us were on anti-depressants and our eldest son had been to the doctor with symptoms of stress-related problems.

What I have learnt since is that I have to look after myself properly if I have any hope of being an advocate for my son.  Whilst most of us are familiar with the safety drill on an airplane, which advises us to put on our own oxygen masks first, we see this elsewhere with firefighters who ensure they have taken care of their own safety and health before they rush in to save others.

I love this quote from Lalah Delia, former actress and spiritual-writer :

Self-care is how you take your power back

— LALAH DELIA

What does self-care mean?  It means making sure that your needs are met before you support others.  I remember hearing a story, and I have no idea whether it is true.  The story shares that Mother Teresa was checking in for a flight and was offered an upgrade by the check-in staff.  When she accepted the upgrade, others in the queue were surprised that she would do so.  Her response indicated that by accepting the offered upgrade, she was being gracious in accepting a gift, and would arrive at her destination refreshed and better able to carry out her work. 

When thinking about your own self-care today ask yourself:

• When was the last time you and your partner had time together – a date night?

• How often in the last two weeks have you felt teary?

• When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep?

If the answers to those questions help you to identify a lack of self-care – take action today and put on your own oxygen mask.