Have you considered a parenting course?
I wrote some time ago about four different behaviour profiles; masking, withdrawing, protesting and rebelling.
When you have a child that is masking, many parents feel that professionals around them imply there must be a parenting problem. As night follows day, if there are no issues at school and parents are reporting significant challenges, there must be something missing in the home environment.
Perhaps the problem lies in a lack of structure? Schools are full of structure, routine and boundaries. Maybe parents aren't providing sufficient of this at home? Surely that's the root of the problem.
When our parenting skills come under scrutiny our natural reaction is defensive - how dare you think I am the problem? The reality, however, is that as parents we can all learn something from meeting other parents and hearing new ideas and perspectives. As a proponent of lifelong learning, I'm all for a bit of help now and again. I've lost count of the number of parenting books I've now read on different topics, had I been able to discuss these with a group of like-minded parents, I'm sure I'd have got far more from them.
But. And it's a big BUT. Parenting courses are not a panacea. If you have a neurotypical child, attending a 'regular' parenting course is unlikely to yield much benefit. Traditional parenting strategies and advice may not work with a neuro-typical child, and can even exacerbate things.
In the same way that a poorly socialised puppy is unlikely to respond well in a dog training class, support for parents needs to be targeted at the root challenge and not the symptoms.
It’s somewhat easier to establish whether your traditional strategies are the culprit if you have more than one child. If your strategies work well for one or more children, and not for your struggling child, it is unlikely more support from the 'traditional' school of parenting will generate the required change.
After many months of fending off an undercurrent of thinking that a parenting course might help us, we eventually received an ASC (autistic spectrum condition) diagnosis. We were then eligible to participate in the Early Bird + course developed by the National Autistic Society. Yes, it was a parenting course and it was tailored to our child's particular needs. It was fantastic and equipped us with insight and expertise which revolutionised our family life.
Parenting courses need to be tailored for the needs of your child, rather than a generic sticking plaster. When they are highly relevant, they can be one of the most useful ways for you to support your struggling child.
