Feeling validated – a step away from empowerment

The day we told our 7-year-old son he was not going back to school for a while, and we saw the weight of the world lift from his shoulders, for the first time, I felt completely validated.

Having passed through every emotion from despondent, through bewildered, frustrated to informed. It was that moment when I saw the impact of the decision on him, the decision my gut had told me was right, I finally felt validated.

When we are questioning our thoughts and our actions, particularly if they don’t conform to conventional thinking, we can feel vulnerable. As we become more informed, whether, through greater empathy over our children’s needs or about the system in which we are operating, we can oscillate between informed and frustrated. And then one day, something happens, which gives you the evidence to feel validated.

Once you’ve experienced this, you are well on the way to becoming empowered. Validation provides you with the confidence to continue. It gives you the power to stay strong about what you believe to be right or true.

It’s a bit like the gut instinct detective who finally finds the crucial piece of evidence to support the theory they’ve been pursuing all along.

Validation may come in many forms. For us, it was our son’s behaviour and well-being that validated our decision. For others, it may be recognized through diagnosis, that they are not going mad; or the decision of a tribunal that there is a case to be answered.

Feeling validated, however, has a darker side, which is a path to nowhere good. The flip side of the coin is blame. Blame towards those who did not believe, did not support, did not agree. Blame is rarely helpful in the long run, and we can end up getting caught in a downward spiral just at the point where we are on the verge of empowerment.